Pork Emergency

The Bacon Burglar

Surrey police are hunting a burglar who broke into a house in Redhill, Surrey and swiped a packet of bacon - except for a single rasher left chillingly draped over the front door handle.

From www.theregister.co.uk (share this quote)

A household of bacon lovers were victimized when their home was robbed of it's precious pork.  The burglary happened between 2:50am and 3:40am on Saturday, 4 September, when the suspect gained entry to the property while the occupants were asleep upstairs. 

The suspect is described as a white man, short dark hair, and a moustache. He was wearing a dark T-shirt which had a white motif on the right shoulder and dark trousers.

Bacon lovers everywhere should come forward with information regarding this burglary is urged to contact Surrey Police on 0845 125 2222 quoting crime reference RB/10/8327 or Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

This is another actual bacon emergency that needs solved right away!  If only there were a way to send these poor victims of bacon burglary some awesome pork products. 

Cooking Bacon, from the battlefield

We all know that it's only a matter of time before the Zombie Apocalypse,  it'll be vital to make best use of your time to both enjoy pork products and take down massive swarms of the undead. To prepare you for this situation, some bacon enthusiasts has put together a demo video to help with this very situation.

In Defense of Good Bacon

Clipped from: consumerist.com (share this clip)

 

Word has it, that one man (a former Wendy's employee), has decided to take matters in his own hands during an actual bacon emergency.

It was a normal day at a Connecticut Wendy's kitchen as two employees were cooking up the daily food.  Then one employee dropped the sacred pork belly product on the floor, and attempted to put it back on a customer's sandwich.

Apparently knowing that pork belly is in high demand, this pork hero recognized the emergency and defended his customer's right to good bacon.

..pulling a knife and threatening to stab a co-worker. But he claims it was all for a good reason: He was upset at the other employee for serving bacon that had dropped on the floor.

From consumerist.com (share this quote)

Of course, the Staff at PorkEmergency.com would like to note that it is never okay to harm another individual, ever. However, one should remember the sacred nature of pork products and keep in mind to treat them with their due respect.

True Pork Emergency! Pork Belly Shortage!

Clipped from: www.desmoinesregister.com (share this clip)

 

There you have it gentle readers, we have a true pork emergency on our hands.  Apparently the price of Bacon will raise as the amount of pork bellies drop. It's now a true emergency.

 

Market analysts said the reason for the suddenly high prices is simple shortage: A year ago, 76.3 million pounds of pork bellies were in various commercial freezers around the country. In early August of this year, that storage figure had dropped to 35.4 million pounds.

From www.desmoinesregister.com (share this quote)

It's time to bust out your canned Tactical Bacon, until the pork recession has ended.

Pork Emergency Kit

Here at PorkEmergency.com we're planning for the Zombie Apocalypse with yum!  See our latest Pork Emergency kit that we've outfitted in an old Dremel box.

Not only is it filled with savory pork greatness, but when it's empty you can use it to bash a Zombie's head in!

Pork mood music

If you're crazy and need to be in the "mood" to eat pork, have we got the solution for you!  Picture this, you're at a dinner party with friends and some bacon wrapped pork stuffed scallops passes by you on a tray, but you don't quite feel like any pork... What to do?! You can't miss this opportunity!   

Just spin this heartfelt tune up on your mp3 player and you'll be in the mood for pork in no time!  Problem solved!

Pride Bacon

Thought you brought all of the right meat to pride? Think again, you forgot the bacon didn't you?  There you are pre-gaming it at Harvey's and suddenly discover that the bacon you have isn't proud enough to be eaten by you.

For those of you who need more coloured meat for your pride celebration pork emergency, we have designer bacon!  Now you can get bacon in pride colours and save the day at pride.

 

Clipped from: www.nydailynews.com (share this clip)

 

 

 

 

Bacon for the Nuclear Winter

If you're looking to have some pork around for ANY emergency, even the nuclear winter, canned tactical bacon is your answer.  These babies have a shelf life of 10 years and has a total of 18 servings.

 

Clipped from: www.thinkgeek.com (share this clip)